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Admittedly,
over the past year I have regained some of my earlier love and
trust of Kareem, but it is at moments such as this that my
dismay grows over the cowardice of the men of our family. I
realize from his behavior that Kareem gives not a thought to
the reasons I risked my safety and our happiness to make known
the events of my life, or to the very real and tragic events
ending the lives of young and innocent women in his own land.
Kareem's only concern is for how he is portrayed in the book,
and for the fact that he has fared poorly in many passages.
I
tell my husband that he and other men of the Al Sa'ud family
alone hold the power to make change in our country. Slowly,
quietly, in their subtle manner, they can pursue and encourage
change. When he makes no response to my plea, I understand
that the men of the Al Sa'ud family cannot risk their power
for the sake of their women. They are passionately in love
with the crown.
Kareem
regains his composure after I remind him that no one outside
our family, other than the author, knows who he is! And those
persons know him well and are aware of his good and bad
traits, even without the publication.
Kareem
sits beside me and lifts my chin with his finger. He looks
almost appealing as he ponders, "You told Jean Sasson
about the disease I caught?"
I
wiggle in shame as Kareem slowly shakes his head from side to
side, visibly disappointed in his wife. "Is nothing
sacred to you, Sultana?"
Many
battles end in an outpouring of goodwill. This evening ends
with unexpected displays of affection. Strangely, Kareem says
he has never loved me more.
I
find myself being courted by my husband, and the intensity of
my feelings increases. My husband reawakens the desire I had
once deemed forever lost. I wonder at my own ability to both
love and hate the same man.
Later,
as Kareem sleeps, I lie awake by his side and replay in my
mind, moment by moment, the events of the day. I realize that
despite the evening's end the guarantee of protection promised
by my family (due solely to their own fears of royal
banishment and/or punishment) and the renewal of my marriage I
cannot rest peacefully until genuine social adjustment comes
to the land I love for the women whose burden I share. The
hard necessities of female life are pushing me to continue my
efforts to gain personal freedom for the women of Arabia.
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